"Avatar of Avarice"

by Dom B.
2001.08.02

Last week I promised a column of haiku and a column of a job application. This week, you're getting haiku with your Wheaties. Everyone put on their Zen hats and say 'ohm'. But now, a quick refresher course. A haiku is a little poem, hailing from Japan, consisting of seventeen syllables arranged in lines of 5, 7, and then 5 syllables. Haiku, like all art, is essentially worthless. You can't use it to get a promotion at the office, or to buy lots of nice things. You can't use it to pay your rent. But it makes me feel better sometimes, all the same. Alright, time to get Zen on your asses.

sunlight on green leaves
breeze softly stirring long grass
fleeting summer touch

That was a warm-up haiku. You can turn back now, and I'll still respect you.

damn the shopping mall
teenage britney clones seduce
old me needs a beer

Look, I'm tired.  It was a long day at work, post one on the bulletin board if you think you can do better.

stupid McDonald's
my order is always FFFFF
Ronald is my bitch

Hey, yeah, well up yours too. What? What's that? Think you're tough, huh? Well come over here and say that to my face.

Mark Wahlburg and chimps
$70 million weekend
that was really me at the end of boogie nights

Look, I know I broke the rules and the last sentence was too long. It's called artistic license. Ar-tist-ic li-cense. Maybe you would have heard of it if you'd lay off the crack pipe.

Friday of daydreams
weekends bringing such new peace
Monday finds me soon

Okay, I'm sorry I yelled. I didn't mean it. Yes, especially the stuff about your mom. The stuff about your girlfriend? Well, I meant some of it. Not all though.