"Dancing Is For The Birds"
by John H.
2001.06.25
When I think of having a good time, a few things come to mind. Good food, good friends and of course booze. How many of us have been asked to go out and muttered this question: "Where are we going?" This question doesn't necessarily need a specific place as the answer. Anyone who knows me knows I'm asking: "are we going to a club?"
I've been to different clubs and they're all the same. They're all filled with a bunch of whored up girls trying to find the guy with the most money to rub up against and possibly get a few free drinks and a bunch of shallow pimped-up guys, who will say/do just about anything to get laid. I've never seen more white guys sporting "gansta leans" or heard the words "ug, ug" uttered in the same room in my life. Personally, I find the whole club scene disgusting and not worth my time.
There are millions of problems with clubs, too numerous to mention here, but I will list the top 5 according to me:
- The music they play at these places is terrible. Crappy remixes of songs that sucked to begin with.
- Dudes fighting over chicks that under normal circumstances they wouldn't look at twice. Ever notice about closing time, 40 guys are fighting over the same girl out of pure desperation, simply pathetic.
- Whores, whores and more whores. (I guess this one's really not all that bad.)
- Trying to drink in a club is like trying to drink in a sardine can. (This one applies to just about all places on the weekend, but because it's a club, it's worth bitching about.)
- All the people, that can't dance, on the dance floor trying to impress girls and looking like fools.
I'd like to expand on that last though for a moment. I know I can't dance, that's why I don't. (Pretty simple logic if you ask me.) But gazing out on the dance floor and looking at the all the uncoordinated idiots out there is sorta entertaining, but at the same time pathetic. Its cool to laugh at them trying to "get jiggy with it". But after a few hours, it gets really annoying.
To diverge a little deeper into this matter, your average club is sort of a microcosm of society. The dudes with money, nice cars and big biceps get the girls. Translation money + big muscles = power (aka getting laid). And the girls, they salivate at these types of guys. I really don't get it. If girls really wanted rich guys, why don't they hang out at hospitals and try to score a doctor, or visit City Hall and snatch up a lawyer. Instead they hang out at clubs and scope the scene for a sugar daddy.
For me, going out with my friends isn't about getting laid. It's about drinking and having a good time. And to have good time amongst the Neanderthals that hang out at clubs is purely impossible. Its almost as if I feel like I'm out of place and uncomfortable because my nightly agenda doesn't include chasing slutty tail.
I'm going to do all of my readers all huge a favor. I'll make the trip to some really popular club this weekend, packing my M-16, and clean out the gene pool a little (aka shoot everyone) and that way you'll all have a safe haven to hang out and drink beer. Death row might not be so bad, at least I won't have to go to work anymore.
