"Burnt Flesh Breakfast"

by Matthew C.
2008.08.25

Mini-bagels are nice. Full-size bagels seem like "too much bread" at times. So it's nice to have miniature sized bagels.

One good thing about mini-bagels is the surface area of the bagel is greatly reduced, so it's almost impossible to use the same amount of toppings. Smaller bagels "force" me to eat smaller portions. Being limited in my topping area, I end up eating less butter, jelly, jam, preserves, etc. This can only be a good thing... encouraging further variety in my diet.

However, one "down side" of mini-bagels is the act of toasting them. Sure, they taste better after they've been toasted, but putting them in and retrieving them from a "regular" toaster can be hazardous. After cutting the mini-bagel in half, the slices are smaller than the pieces of bread the toaster was designed for. The bagel slices now "fall down inside" the toaster slots and leave me no option but to play "Operation" trying to get them out without burning myself.

(Do you remember Operation? It's the children's game where players use tweezers to extract little pieces of plastic from the outline of a man. And the man has a light for a nose...for some reason. Touching the sides of the body cavities with your tweezers would result in a buzzing sound and scare the crap out of you. I guess the game is designed to train and reward "'steady hands", but I never found it much fun.)

While I enjoy a challenge as much as the next mini-bagel-eater, playing this "game" while not fully awake just leads to seared flesh. Trust me. Instead of the buzzing sound, I get burnt and scarred flesh. It's not the most appetizing sight or smell in the morning. Come to think of it, that's just not appetizing at all. (I'm sure some people might love the smell of burnt flesh and enjoy self-mutilation, but it's just not for me.)

I suppose I could use another toaster for mini-bagels, but I don't feel like running out to the store and buying an entirely different style of toaster for one specific food. Maybe I'm lazy, maybe I'm cheap. Whatever the excuse, I just don't feel the need. So until the people that design toasters make one that becomes universal and accommodates multiple sizes of objects, I will keep damaging my digits in my relentless pursuit of miniaturized foodstuffs.

p.s.
On second thought, "accommodates multiple sizes of objects" doesn't sound safe. I guess I could just use a "toaster oven" or a pair of tongs.

p.p.s.
And before people say that this article is mis-categorized (or shouldn't be in the "Media Blender")... it IS concerning a medium. That medium just happens to be a bagel.